String-trapped heart

Sometimes I feel I'm going against the tide.

What makes me happy is merely a selfish choice.

Because I am unable to fill anyone's expectations.

Because everyone wants me to become their ideal me.

So no matter what I do, it would never be enough.

In the end, I disappoint everyone and myself.

And if I don't burst into tears because at least, I want to be a strong mother.

But the load is so heavy, so heavy I believe someday it will crush me.

Down the hill, down the road.

On Monday I came back to work and found some unexpected surprises. It's been three days and I still can't say if it's good or bad... it's just strange. I really don't know how to explain the way I feel, it's not pleasant but not entirely disgusting either. Kind of disappointing, I guess. Not sure if it's due to the upsetting circumstances or to the sadness and guilt for leaving Bella... plus I hate when the future is uncertain and I don't have a backup plan.

Well, I do have some sort of project there... but truth to be told, I have to do what is best instead of what I want to.

I miss the baby a lot. It's really hard on me, even though it was exhausting, even with the almost nonexistent spare time. I really want to take care of her again.

Better stop it now. Have a meeting soon and don't want to get too blue.

The Sweetest and Most Wonderful

Just a quick entry to let everyone know (if there's anyone out there who doesn't already know) that on August 3rd, our little baby was born.

Isabella is a sweet and well-behaved girl who, thankfully, likes to sleep a lot and gives us little trouble. Everyone is willing to help and I appreciate that, considering I am still recovering from the surgery. I am getting better each day but still feel a little pain and tired.

Ignacio has taken lots of pics, we'll probably upload later.

Checking the clock every 5 minutes.

I'm almost 8 months pregnant. Very happy but scared and also uncomfortable. Bella is growing, she doesn't have enough space now and sometimes when she moves, it really hurts. Of course I don't blame her, but it makes me wish time to go by faster.

Anyway, just two more weeks for my Maternity Leave. Still so much to do! We've been packing little by little the last couple of weekends and expect to move to our new temporary place on July 17th. Best thing: this helps us to get rid of some old stuff.

I haven't had much time for my projects yet, mostly because after work I'm exhausted. However, I managed to finish one of the two webcomics I'm drawing for Glenn (check it out here) and I've already sketched the second.

I am excited to start the fairytale present for Bella. I already ordered the blank hardcover 28-page book from Amazon and expect to get it before I leave the office (as well as my "Last Unicorn" comic book... so pretty!). However, I admit I still don't have a clear idea of the story. I originally wanted to do "The Princess of Broken Wings" but it might be a little mature for a child... Well, I still have two weeks to figure it our and write the whole thing.

I'm not sure if I'll be writing an entry again before I move, so if you don't see me around, you can check twitter.

Dusk is coming.

I'm tired.

Actually, I'm exhausted.

Last week was incredibly hard. Lots of work all at once, I don't know how I made it.

On the weekend, I had to hurry and finish everything for the baby shower, including buying my dress, helping mom with the centerpieces and decorating the cake. I loved how everything turned out and had a great time, but I also felt I couldn't rest as I needed.

Monday, went to the doctor. Bella is fine and gladly, I didn't gain more weight. If everything goes smoothly, I'll be taking my maternity leave from July 18th on. And God, I need it as I never thought I did.

This week has been very hard too. Specially yesterday. Sometimes I feel I can't even wake up and when I finally arrive home, all I want to do is laid on bed and sleep. Also, because I am between 30-31 weeks pregnant, baby is bigger and sometimes I can't breath and sickness is back. Physically, is demanding and a little frustrating. Easily enough, my body gets to what I think are my limits...

I want July to come really fast!

Dancing with the Blooming Rose

I had a very interesting meeting with friends last Tuesday. I've been thinking a lot since then and in general, I got a very nice feeling of the project. However, if by any means Mary's husband gets involved, I am out. I wouldn't stand listening him at all.

At all.

Anyway, I also got a nice proposal from my mother-in-law about an art exhibition. I don't think I have enough new/nice work, but she also mentioned something about getting more people involved. It'd be nice to do something thematic but I am not sure yet. My first thought was about the four seasons in a Mucha fashion... and then I remembered I wanted to do that with my Whole-Hearted heroines (Aster as Spring, Lily as Summer, Campanula as Autumn and Marigold as Winter) so better not :P

But, before anything, I need to finish inking "Young Romance" and the webcomic for Glenn. And a couple of things more.

Sorry if this is short. Gotta do a lot of things this week.

A Myth of Creation

Lately and although illustration is still my favorite branch of the Graphic Arts, I've been rediscovering my love for design.

The logos for my mother-in-law were the starting point. However, what I really enjoyed were both the cat-themed Wedding Invitation I coworked for Marylin, and the Baby Shower invitation/centerpiece/cake design for my little Isabella.

My mom suggested I should think seriously of starting a design business of my own, focused on Special Events, but I don't think is feasible at the moment. The market is saturated, I can't take the risk of not having a stable monthly salary. Not with a baby on the way... Although I admit I would love to work from home and spend more time with my future child.

Anyway, my aunt absolutely fell in love with what we did for Isabella and told mom to ask me to help with the invitations for my cousin's Wedding. I haven't talked to them directly yet, but I am excited, none the less.

Comic-wise, I am still working of my Romance pages for "The Gathering". I have 3 of 4 sketched so I hope to finish them this month. I dunno if we're going to be selected for the All-ages volume yet, but that's a next year project. If not and depending on my workload, I might enroll as an artist only. On a similar subject, an Irish friend of my husband liked my art and asked me to help him with a couple of pages for his after-the-Gathering webcomic.

I think I won't be doing anything for Hazel Blue or any other of my original manga this year. Again, time-issues. I really, really want to do a children story book based on "The Princess of Broken Wings" for my girl and also the compilation of 'dark tales' Ignacio and I were planning since our honeymoon. But first things first and I need to meet my deadlines.

I am very optimistic I will be able to finish most of the things I wanted before the baby is born, future looks very brilliant for me and that makes me happy.

I like strawberry-scented shampoos.

Mornings are kind of slow here at work, so I'll take the chance to write seven random facts about myself that I think most people don't know.

1. I dislike my name. I don't hate it nor would I change it... but I am not that fond of it.

2. My favorite color is red. When I was little, I was a fan of La Liga just because of the red in their uniform. Now I've grown up and understood that soccer sucks.

3. As a small child, my brother and I played "Super Friends". I was Superman... he was the coolest.

4. My dream job used to be to work as a Disney 2d animator or as a voice actress. As silly as it sounds, I still hope to do some kind of professional voice acting work.

5. I have a collection of about 60-70 My little Ponies.

6. My favorite Disney Movie is Beauty and the Beast. I enjoyed dressing as Belle at that time... however, I remember I didn't have a blue dress like her so I used a very similar-styled pink one. Never got the hair right, though.

7. My first cosplay was Sailor Moon. I did it for my sister's b-day. Just the dress, no wig no boots. My first cosplay for a "Con" was Aya Mikage from Ayashi no Ceres, even before the first Matsuri and when Anime Events were at the Outlet Mall. I think no one noticed :P

With a Chocolate Heart

Next Friday I'll be halfway through my pregnancy. It's been quite a ride and I still got another 20 weeks more to go, but I feel happy, none the less. The baby is very active on mornings and I can clearly feel his/her kicks, every day stronger. And the baby's daddy is proud and excited as well, though he hasn't felt a lot of movement yet.

On April 12th I am hoping to find out the baby's gender. Most people think is a boy. I also expect everything to be O.K... until now, it has been. I've been taking my vitamins and trying not to gain much weight... though I am not sure I am succeeding. I can't wait to buy some stuff though I already got some gifts from our family.

And speaking about gifts, I need to buy something for Ignacio. Have a little clue of what I want, but I guess I'll end buying something here instead of ordering through the net. I am not sure if we're going to have friends gathering for the date or just have a little family thing.

Work hasn't been anything special. I feel a little relieved my husband has a new job too, he was very stressed lately. I know I will be missing him a lot with this new schedule, but I also understand it's for the best and I like when he speaks about how much he'll do his best to take care of both me and our baby... I love his mature and responsible side.

I've been also trying to mend everything in my life. I don't want to be mad at anyone, to hold grudges, pain or sadness. I wish only for happy sweet feelings, because I want those feelings to reach my baby too.

P.S.

Baby likes songs from Tangled... that's from his/her mommy's side.